"But you didn't have to cut me off, make it out like it never happened and that we were nothing, and I don't even need your love, but you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough. No you didn't have to stoop so low, have your friends collect your records and then change your number, I guess that I don't need that though, now you're just somebody that I used to know." Goyte - Somebody that I used to know
It has been forever since I'm updated. I know every time that I write I say I'd like to update more often and it lasts about a week and then I stop. I really would like to write more often because it clears my head. A few major things have happened during my time away, though. I left for basic training August 28th. I was there until December 5th. So what happened? I developed a bunion that was causing a lot of pain and discomfort and I got medically discharged. I have decided if I do re-join the service I am sticking to my guns and joining the Air Force. I will have to think long and hard before that decision is made, though. I will also have to get my bunion taken care of since it's medical or else they'll turn me away. Basic training was alright. My grandma wrote me everyday and Brandon sent a total of 8 letters. Ashley wrote me, too and even drew me pictures ^_^. Storme also wrote me and sent me a package that I, unfortunately, had to throw away due to contraband. It was still sweet! I survived the 10 weeks and I am beyond proud of myself. Looking at everything I accomplished....The confidence courses, gas chamber and our field training. I developed some muscle and worked really hard every day. I did, however, fail my EOC by 4 sit-ups. They decided not to pass me. After victory forge (our 5 day, 4 night field training) all the failures took their make up EOC. I did worse on this one than the other. So it was off to FTU (Fat camp more or less. Fitness Training Unit) and it was there that we were told if any pain was felt to let them know so we can get checked out and cleared. I finally told them about my foot hurting - and that I had been dealing with it for a few weeks. It was off to Sick Hall after that. I went to the hold over bay and ended up staying there for 3 weeks, got sent to 120th for 2 days and then I was finally on a plane coming home. I am glad to be back, despite the circumstances.
Brandon and I are doing amazing. It will be 4 years next month. I can barely believe it. Hopefully we can set a wedding date soon. I need a job first and to save up. This is motivation (Even though I pretty much want a job anyways.) I got my license about 2 weeks before I left for BCT. Now I have no car. Why not? My grandmother and I were in an accident 2 days after I was home. The car in front of the car in front of us slammed on their breaks with no warning, the car in front of us reacted but they hit. My grandma saw the break lights, slammed on hers and we hit. However, she didn't react (tense up, scream, etc) due to the fact she thought we'd stop in time. This was probably a good thing. Our airbags deployed, despite only going about 5-7 MPH. I think they deployed due to how we hit. She suffered a sprained thumb, a couple small cuts on her face and a giant bruise on her stomach. I suffered a broken nose, a cut over my right eye right under my eyebrow and pretty bad cut on my neck from my seat belt. Despite that I got pretty lucky. I was looking down playing on my new iPhone and was not paying any attention in front of us. If I had been looking up I could have possibly gotten a broken jaw and got my injury on my neck. The car got totaled. It was a performance car and not meant for safety by any means. The back two windows were busted (even though we weren't hit from behind) and the radiator ended up getting busted since the front end got smashed. When we hit...I didn't know what happened and I was so confused. I heard a loud bang, saw white, smelled smoke, felt my face burning and I couldn't breathe. I opened my eyes and looked over to my grandma and realized what happened. I got out of the car, saw the blood coming from face and realized my right show was missing and I turned to look for my phone. How it survived, I'm not sure. It ended up under me so I was sitting on it. Not a single scratch. I called 911 and the guy who was in front of us ran over and began to dab my face with tissue. I got my grandma in the car and kept talking to her and such to make sure she didn't go into shock. The clerk inside the gas station we were in front of brought out a chair for her and came out with a wash cloth for me but I gave it to her. I had no concern for myself - I wanted to keep her calm. Poor thing actually apologized to me. I told her not to worry. The 911 operator stayed on the phone with me until the ambulance got there. I called Brandon quickly and told him we were in an accident and I thought we might be going to the hospital. I scared him pretty bad I guess. He threw on clothes and started driving to where we were at. When the ambulance got there I told them immediately that my grandma was 72 and suffers from high blood pressure so to take care of her. While they checked her they took me aside and sat me down and took a look at my eye and determined I needed stitches. They put us in the ambulance together, the one paramedic found my shoe and slipped it back on and also retrieved my grandma's jacket for her. He also called Brandon and told him they were transporting us and to meet at the hospital. I'm very thankful we weren't more injured. It sucks not having a car but everything happens for a reason and I have faith something good will come of this.
Brandon brought my engagement ring when he, my grandma and his parents came to see me on family day. Even though I failed EOC and was not graduating they still let us have our family day. I was so happy to see everyone. I was so sad when they left, though. When I found out I was getting medically discharged and I told Brandon...He was sad but happy at the same time. He got more excited the closer it got. So did my grandmother. After Christmas and New Years me, Nicole and my grandma went and looked at wedding dresses :). I decided on a gown this past Monday (January 7th). It's so beautiful. Now all that needs to be done is settle on wedding colors so I can pick out the bridesmaids dresses and hopefully between that time we can settle on a venue and date. After that everything else falls into place.
I will write more soon, I promise. For now, though, I must get some sleep due to the fact it is 2:30 in the morning and my pain killers kicked in about 10 minutes ago. I have more stuff to write :). Until then, goodnight world.
"So I walk up on high and I step onto the edge to see my world below, and I laugh at myself while the tears roll down, 'cause it's the world I know, oh it's the world I know." - Collective Soul - The world I Know
Today I've been sad. I've felt sad the past few days, really. Not really sure why. Brandon left yesterday until Tuesday night. Went out of town with his brother. I might be seeing and hanging out with Nicole on Wed. Not sure. Nothing new has happened really. My ring is all nice and sized and back on my finger where it belongs. Yay. I'm in such an odd mood and I don't know why. I feel like crying. I did the other night. I don't know what's wrong with me. My emotions have been wacky. I haven't been sleeping well, either. Guh. I hate this rut I'm in...I need a cuddle buddy right now...
"It's like rain on your wedding day, it's a free ride when you've already paid, It's the good advice that just didn't take. Who would've thought...It figures." Alanis Morissette - Ironic.
I'm actually updating within a couple days of my other post! It's a miracle! Yesterday was the 4th of July and fireworks are still going off (Mind you it's like 1:15 in the morning that I'm writing this. I'm such a night owl!) It actually rained here yesterday. It was nice. Too bad it didn't last and too bad all it did was leave the muggyness to make it even hotter. I cannot wait until I'm away from here. The only downfall is that I'll be leaving my poor Grandma behind :( Maybe if I get stationed close to here I can either visit her often or help her move to where I'm at! I bet she would like that a lot.
So Brandon came over on the 3rd and we actually picked out our wedding colors and our first dance song! I still cannot believe I'm engaged (it's only been 2 weeks after all!) to him! I feel so naked without my ring. I wish it wouldn't take it them so long to size it. Really? 2 weeks? Guh. I'm hoping it will get done sooner. Friday will mark one week at least.
I feel so boring...I don't have much to really update with. I had a really horrible dream about a snake the other night. It was in my room on my floor and I stepped on it's head to grab it by the tail but everyone minute that went by it was getting bigger. It kept trying to attack me and actually bit my arm. So I called to my grandma to get a bag and once I got it in and tied the bag I went outside with it, I guess I was going to go throw it away? Well anyways for some reason I dropped that bag and the snake got loose and buried itself into the dirt and all I could think was "oh shit, this isn't good!" and then I woke up. I have the oddest dreams sometimes...Well that's really all I have to say without babbling on and no. I'll update soon!
"When you gonna make up your mind, When you gonna love you as much as I do? When you gonna make up your mind cause things are gonna change so fast. All the white horses are still in bed, I tell you that I'll always want you near, you say that things change my dear." - Tori Amos, Winter.
I realize I have not been on here for a couple months. I always tell myself that I'll come post but I just never do. I don't really know why. I love to write and it can help clear my head more times than not. So what's been new? BRANDON PROPOSED! I was not expecting this and I wasn't expecting him to do so before I left for Basic Training. I had talked to him again about 2 months ago. I told him I felt like I was being pushed away and I didn't understand what was going on and we talked that out and things went from being okay to being amazing in a couple weeks.
So for the proposal story...Yes, I am going to bore you all with it. Keep in mind I am also adding in what Brandon told me in the car on the way back (when it was decided and what not) and I wasn't expecting this in any way.
We went out of town two weeks ago (Monday June 18th to Friday June 22nd) to Alameda, CA. Brandon's friend Matt joined the Coast Guard and got stationed there. It's much closer than Seattle so it was off we went. The original plan was for us to hit Yosemite National Park but Brandon canceled it last minute (Note: I have NEVER been to a national park before so I fairly bummed about this) I kept bugging him if we could go on the way back and all I got from him was a maybe so I gave up. So we got there around 7pm (We were staying with Matt and his wife Valerie) and with it being such a long drive we were pretty tired, but Valerie and I went out to pick up some beer while the boys hung out. Now I'm not sure if this was when Matt and Brandon talked about Brandon proposing (it had been in his mind a few weeks I guess) or if it was on Tuesday they talked but nonetheless they talked and Matt said something along the lines "Well let's go get her a ring." so Tuesday we went into San Francisco, nothing too exciting there. So Wednesday rolls around and we all decided to hit the beach since it was a pretty nice day. After about 20 minutes Valerie and I went into the water (where Matt took a picture of us :) ) and then when I walking back Brandon came up and told me he was going with Matt to run a few errands and so he could get a few things before he left (Matt left for three Saturday the 23rd :( ) But since we took 1 car to drive to the beach, they were going to drive and get Brandon's car and drop Matt and Val's back off to us. I know now that this was when Brandon went to the ring. The stopped there first then Target and Best Buy. Valerie and I decided to go eat at Panera Bread (Mind you, Valerie already knew what was going to happen at this point but she is very good at keep secrets!) and the only thing she asked me was if I thought any about Colors or Maid of Honor or Bridesmaid (I asked her if she would be interested in being a Bridesmaid and she was very happy. I officially asked her on Saturday and she officially accepted :) ) and then she told me how Matt proposed to her and that was that. I didn't suspect anything because we're typical girls and being with someone for so long is hard to NOT think about marriage and what not. So Wednesday night Brandon said to me "So on Friday we have to get up at like 3 if you want to go to Yosemite." and I looked at him and got really excited and I was like "okay!" So Friday rolls around and we get up at 4 (only got three hours sleep so we slept an extra hour) and we were out by 4:45am (After waking Matt up to lock the door behind us and what not) We were going to try and do horseback riding but we had to leave by 11 for Brandon to get to work on time and horseback riding was at least 2 hours and we got there 30 minutes too late to do that. So Brandon took about 10 minutes to look at the map, then we walked back to the visitor center for souvenirs (I got a pack of 3 gorgeous magnets and Brandon got a postcard of Bridalveil falls, which later he said was for me so I'd always remember where he asked me <3 :) ) and it was off we went. I didn't know where he picked but I was just going along with it. I was more glad to just be there and seeing a new place! So we get there and the waterfall was very pretty (it is a pretty fitting name, too!). Then Brandon suggested we walk along the rocks to get to the base of the falls. All he kept telling me was that I would like was there. Once we got there he decided for us to go a little further and climb behind the big boulder and again he just said I would like what was there. So we get there and it really took my breath away. I took some pictures and snapped one of Brandon (he was on a different rock than me at this time). He got back on the rock I was on and he hugged me and said he loved me. I, of course, said it back and we shared a small little kiss. He then said "I love you more" of which I argued "No, I love you more!" He said "No...I love you more" and I was like "Oh yeah? Prove it!" (This isn't something uncommon to be said and I was totally joking when it was said.) He smiled and just said he loved me again and I said it back. Then after a few seconds pause he said "I want to spend the rest of my life with you." and I said back "I know. Me, too" (Again, not uncommon for one of us to say this so I was STILL unsuspecting! Though, I think it was about this time that I was thinking this would be a beautiful spot for someone to propose. The irony!) So once I said that he replied with "So I have an important question to ask you." and I looked up at him and he reached into his pocket. I put my hands over my mouth and my eyes got teary and all I could say was "Oh my god..." He got down on one knee while opening the box and asked if I would marry him. I kept nodding and managed at one point to actually say "yes". I was crying. Happy tears of course!
I could not have asked for anything better or a more beautiful ring. We actually just dropped it off this past Friday to get sized so I'm without it for about 2 weeks. I feel naked without it! Any doubts I ever had were washed away and I have not second guessed my answer at all. I am truly overjoyed. I do hate it that I leave in August and I have to go without seeing him but what can you do? I'm doing this to better our future. Well....I think that about does it for this post. I promise that I will try to write again sooner.
"Reflection of a flame,
from a candle that's no more.
Reflection of a girl,
Who is broken once more.
Reflection of a heart,
once happy and pure,
forever tainted, sad and broken.
Reflection of the times we shared,
the good and the bad.
Reflection of the joy,
reflection of the tears.
Reflection of the fears,
A simple reflection,
a broken reflection."